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Post by sashareigngleif on Jan 16, 2013 15:33:41 GMT -5
Sasha Hildegard Reigngleif No one can see me, and I've lost all feeling and I know that I won't die alone "My real family may not have been there, But I will be there for my friends!" STAT CARDNAME: Sasha Reigngleif AGE: 16 SEX: Female NICKNAMES: Ammy AFFILIATION: Student, Lyoko warrior(If allowed) GRADE: junior CANON: NO PLAYBY: Amelia, Fire Emblem Sacred Stones CHARACTER FILEPHYSICAL DESCRIPTION: Sasha is a very skinny fair, smooth skinned 5'2 girl Blonde hair with green eyes. She often is found with a knee high white skirt and a long orange sherbet and pink blouse. very rarely she wears black. She dons straw sandals with black stockings. She is very slender and frail due to fatigue. She stands at attention most of the time back straight but her knees are always bent when standing still. Her normal expression is a soft smile and a relaxed/contempt look like she is comfortable. PERSONALITY: Sasha is a very quiet but not shy. She is very warm and friendly though at times she has her head in the clouds. She has a phobia of large amounts of food being eaten at once due to a bad moment in her childhood so can be found not at lunch but instead can be found wandering around. She is very welcoming to new people. She does have a crippling fear of crabs and a peeve for open spaces. She is very scatterbrained and a bit messy when it comes to cleaning her room. She is also very cautious to the point of always hesitating. She hates confrontation and is very submissive when threatened. STRENGTHS: She is very good at martial arts and playing woodwind instruments. History and Mythology are her main passions. WEAKNESSES: Sasha is Very fatigued most of the time and very fatigued alot so gym is her worst class. She is also horrible at math and Speech since she gets winded easily. LYOKO: Sasha's skirt gets shorter and her shirt becomes redish armor and metal greaves that go up to her knee. She also has a three pronged lance for swinging and stabbing. Drill charge: Sasha charges forward the tip of the lance spinning as she charges forward to stab the target. Upon stab her lance drills in immobilizing the hit target. If she pleases she throw the target like a projectile or a sheild while still drilling. HISTORY: Sasha was a very healthy baby growing up and has had no problems till she hit seven. At that age she suffered from a massive heatstroke. Doctors did save her but her body never regained it's full strength. this lead to several health problems like fatigue, asthma, fainting spells, and nosebleeds. There on she was told to be very cautious when going outside and had to go through years of therapy to get her body back to maintaining order. She recovered but is still frail and weak though. She can now endure longer but still needs her medication and occasional trips to the nurse's office. Before the heatstroke, her family were a couple of Architects and went wither her all around the world in which she learned several things about the world. Histories, Mythologies, culture had become her passion. When in Egypt, she was with her family touring Cairo till the dreaded Heatstroke hit and the family had to get her to a hospital. She narrowly survived and was taken back to their home so she can live an easy life. MISSION CONTROLName: Sasha Time spent roleplaying: 7-8 years Other Characters:N/A RP Sample:A portal opened in the rift and out came a large armor clad figure. The man was the chaos warrior Exdeath. Having returned to his home, the rift, he awaits the portal to the void to open. "All will be consumed into the void..." he uttered to himself in a gruff voice. He was awaiting his enemy Bartz to come searching for his crystal. Having have fought his father in the past, Bartz had a special place in his hatred for the spawn of his greatest enemy bearing the name Klauser. Watching the horizon watching eternity run by watching all dimensions history unfolding awaiting something interesting to appear or happen. This boredom was usual and annoying to him. Being in this void put him at ease but was only a watcher not wanting to off throw the balance he watched the pitiful minor races fight it out in history. Watching his enemy Bartz traverse of the world with his father. Though an image of the past he still watched it for the nostalgia. The Eidolians were dormant in their own world this was indeed boring to him. "I grow bored with this waiting." He said getting up to visit his underlings, The Eidolians. An inter-dimensional rift was opened as he stepped down a light marble colored road to a large purple gaseous portal. Upon entering all was well, Ifrit and Shiva were not fighting, Titan was in control of his anger, Rahmuh giving the new born a lesson in talking the different languages. Exdeath approached Ifrit. "Djinn of flames, I challenge you to a spar." he spoke languidly . Ifrit always violent wanted to fight an enthusiastic opponent. "You dare challenge the Djinn of fire!" he shouted taking a swing at ExDeath. HE had disappeared and reappeared. "Fire...is so easily to guide and mislead." he said one arm behind his back. His hand glowed and as he pointed it in front of him and a missile of light shot at Ifrit. As instinct he pushed it downward. The missile ricocheted off the ground and into his stomach. ExDeath laughed at him. "Simple minded...as usual old friend." he cackled. As they fought Volcanoes through out the dimensions erupted as their God was damaged. "I forgot we used to spar like this." Ifrit made eruptions underneath ExDeath "Your hellfire is so predictable." He levitated over the pyres of Flames and put up a Giant crimson crest which brok from an attack. "Fool." he spoke and teleported slashing Ifrit twice. An old man walked between them. "enough, think of the dimensions. Your orders ExDeath..." Rahmuh stated glaring at them both. "I must fix my wrong." he said disappearing back to his throne where he Commanded a Large water dragon to create tsunamis in all the lava filled areas.
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Poet
Administrator
'Female Teenager Embodiment of Billy Batson'
Posts: 49
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Post by Poet on Jan 16, 2013 16:56:09 GMT -5
Alright, Sasha, let's have a look over this app, shall we~?
First off, basics! Curious as to how Ammy's her nickname, ooh... But two things to note! First off, she'd be a student. Any non-canon Lyoko Warriors must happen through the roleplay itself, y'know? So she'd have to be recruited in the roleplay. Second, the play-by is the image/character you're using to represent your character. Thus, for you, it would be the name, and the series, that the girl in your picture is. Kay?
Alright, appearance time! Got the basics sketched out, but I'd like you to expand on that, please! Describe her face, give us her hair color, eye color, etc, expand on her clothing, maybe with a fuller description, or add an additional outfit, if you have to. How does she stand? Typical facial expression? Take a look at our accepted applications, if you need to! We want someone to be able to read your appearance and know exactly what they're looking at, in a thread.
Personality! Looking good, looking good, but we need some expansion. For one, I'm not seeing any flaws, not really. Is she smart? Does she make friends easily? Insecure? How does she react when she's angry? Is it easy for her to get angry? You mentioned that she's depressed, elaborate on that! We just want some more, y'know, further details on how she acts, what she does, all that jazz. Check out some of our other applications if you need ideas!
Strengths! Again, more elaboration, please~. How is she good at Martial Arts if she suffers from the critical fatigue that you mention in the weaknesses? What woodwind instruments? History and Mythology are her passions, yes, but more elaboration, are they her best classes, does she often find herself reading about them in her spare time, all that jazz! <3
Weaknesses! The weakness you gave us, honestly, is good. The whole 'very frail' thing would be great to add into the appearances, so you know. But we do want some more, though! What classes is she bad at, maybe? Are sports not her forte? Technology? Stuff like that, please!
Lyoko time~. First off, I want you to please elaborate on both her costume and her fighting. More detail on her clothes are always great, and please detail, well, how exactly she uses her weapon. Swinging, stabbing, what exactly? Is she quick with it, or does she aim for powerful, or what? In addition, you can only have one power (any others would have to be programmed in!), so please restrict yourself to one. <3
History... I'm afraid to say that the entire thing has to be scrapped. It doesn't work like that, I'm afraid. Even if her parents abandoned her, she'd most likely be put in foster care, orphanages really don't exist, not anymore, and even in such a case, they'd never get away with that, her being force-fed the meat doesn't make sense, neither does the rehabilitation and her going to Middle School and all that. It simply doesn't make sense, isn't compatible with the real world, so I'm afraid I have to ask you to re-do it. Sorry!
As for 'Mission Control', the RP sample needs to be of the character you're applying for, so please make it a sample of Sasha, thanks!
Over all, got a nice basic outline for your application. Let me know when you're done editing it, and I'll take another look! <3
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Post by sashareigngleif on Jan 29, 2013 20:37:51 GMT -5
I fixed some stuff poet
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Poet
Administrator
'Female Teenager Embodiment of Billy Batson'
Posts: 49
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Post by Poet on Jan 30, 2013 0:41:27 GMT -5
Alright, Sasha, let's take a crack at this again, shall we?
First off, basics! As I stated before, she cannot be a Lyoko Warrior, so please take that out. Otherwise, basics look good!
Appearance... Better, looking better, but it's still quite vague, if possible, we'd like it to expand to two paragraphs, at minimum. How long is her hair? Straight, wavy, any freckles, etc? Is she always prepared looking, or does she seem to be always in a rush, what kind of 'aura' does she tend to give off? Confident, hesitant, shy? And... relaxed and 'contempt' are drastically different, and doesn't tell us a ton about her look... Perhaps add any other outfits, too. It's just very general, and we want to be able to visual your character perfectly when we read this. Just think of your character, and describe her a hundred percent, down to the last detail. We just need to see more. Okay?
Alright, personality! The... phobia of eating food, fear of crabs, and open spaces definitely need to be expanded on, they don't quite make sense. But honestly, you've given a lot of what she is, but haven't shown that. How is she submissive? How is she scatter brained? How is she friendly? How is she shy? While it's a good start, you need to elaborate, describe how exactly she's each one of the things you state.
Strengths... Exact same thing I said as in the above review. Please do correct what I tell you to correct, okay?
Weaknesses, nope. If she's suffering from that, she would not be in gym. And if she's winded enough that she can't do Speech properly... That's honestly a bit much, if her fatigue is that great, she shouldn't be in school. And, again, give us more, and expand on them.
Lyoko, again, describe her outfit and how exactly she uses her lance as a weapon, confused. In addition, please clarify and elaborate on her 'drill charge', it's kind of confusing me...
History, I'm afraid to say the heatstroke would not work. She'd die from that, given her age, the location, and all that kind of stuff. No, she would be very much dead, and regardless, fatigue, asthma, fainting spells, and all that you listed are not side-effects. Blood clots, inflated lungs, organ failure... Those are the kinds of weaknesses. In addition, you need to give us a lot more detail on her history, as well as explain why her parents would travel so much (being architects doesn't explain that), and why she'd come to Kadic, in addition to giving further detail on her early life, and her travelling life.
As I stated before, please use a roleplay sample of the character you're applying for.
As someone who is quite experienced in roleplay, you would know that you need to listen and to apply the changes, so you need to do that. Let me know when you have applied all of the changes, and not just some, please.
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