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Post by Justin Cope on Jan 30, 2013 10:58:39 GMT -5
Justin David Cope
There's a light in the distance
See them coming closer
With the force of ages
Centuries gone by
Protectors of the right
Defenders sworn to fight
"Always do what you know is right and live with no regrets" STAT CARDNAME: Justin David Cope AGE: 14 SEX: Male NICKNAMES: Hito, Tensei AFFILIATION: Student GRADE: Ninth CANON: No CHARACTER FILEPHYSICAL DESCRIPTION: Justin is a frail skinny boy, weighing only 90lbs at a height of about five foot five. Naturally blond fire hair often looks more dark and dirty due to excessive grease and poor hygiene, while blue eyes compliment a rarely seen smile that many would call "cute", though those may be the only two cute features about him, should one look too closely. Pale skin fits so tightly that one can make out each individual rib and even see his heart beat. His stance is normally closed off. His body naturally hunches over and tenses up when not in a familiar environment and even when he is, he is still quite tense though not as notable. His default face looks forlorn, in a way. People often ask him what is wrong or why he is sad when, in fact, everything is normal. The boy has very little variety in his style. No matter where he is or what he is doing, Justin can always be seen in a pair of blue or black jeans. Always covering his chest is a black, blue, or red t-shirt, generally covered by a button up polyester shirt with the buttons missing. In addition, he normally wears a light jacket over that for colder weather. PERSONALITY: Overall carefree and yet selfless. That is the core of Justin's persona. He cares not about himself or about monetary anything. He cares not about fashion or social ridicule or what other people think of him. It is all unnecessary. All he truly cares about, selfishly, is retaining and learning from experience, and obtaining knowledge about the way the world works. On the other side, Justin is fairly selfless. Since he has few needs of his own, any income generated generally goes to improving the quality of life of whomever seems to need it the most, even people who he would consider enemies. Justin is willing to sacrifice his time, and sometimes portions of his sanity, to please and educate others as long as they actually require it. Around people he doesn't know, Justin tends to be very reserved, keeping quiet and to himself unless addressed by name. Only once he warms up to someone and knows a bit about what they are like will he converse with them on his own. Even then, he will only associate with people he feels are interesting. What is interesting? Well intelligence is at the top of that list. Intelligence and wisdom both. Next up is people with similar interests in the applications of mathematics, science, and/or engineering. People who have interest in the same obscure video games he does, or people who game at all. But even if someone doesn't have any of these traits, they can still catch his eye. That oh so important spark of chaos is what he really enjoys. That lacking of inhibition that allows people to just go wherever their soul tells them without fear or regret. That is the best kind of person. That is the kind of person that will make him break out of his shell. Justin is very difficult to anger. Things irk him, such as general stupidity and people being ignorant of the world and/or people around them, but nothing to date has actually gotten him furious enough to act. On a similar note, the social world is also confusing. Why do people hide their true selves to fit in with people they don't agree with? Why do people change their demeanor just to be accepted by the populous? Justin will never understand these things. STRENGTHSAccuracy and Precision: Justin can throw/shoot with great efficiency. Pain Ignorance: Things do not hurt as much as they should. The damage is still the same as normal, only what he feels is changed. Flexibility: Having a naturally low set point, combined with the increase in metabolism caused by the Mehylphenidate he takes for ADHD has caused Justin to have little in the way of body fat or muscle, thus giving his joints more room to move. Knowledge of the Self: Every day Justin lives with his body, but he has never just taken it for granted. He has learned how and why it moves the way it does. With this knowledge, he has greater control of himself than others do, leading to above average balance and dexterity akin to someone who has trained to have it in muscle memory. Heat Resistance: Heat never bothered Justin much. In fact, he performs better in heat than he does normally. Dark Vision: Justin's eyes adapt to darkness very well, taking only seconds to adjust when moving from light to dark. Stamina Regeneration: While his stamina may be far below other people, Justin can get his second/third wind more quickly than most. Multi-track Mind: Justin is capable of giving his attention to numerous things at once. Wai so serious?: Justin rarely takes anything seriously. This makes him very difficult to fluster, irritate, or otherwise harass. Animal Empathy: Justin has a natural affinity for animals. He is more easily able to gain their trust than most people. Irish: Even though he doesn't know of this since he doesn't drink, Justin's liver is a good deal stronger than most. Strong classes: Math, MacroScience, and Engineering. Justin is adept at things involving numbers. Also, science is amazing. WEAKNESSESPhysically inept: Justin is weak beyond reason. Unless otherwise noted in the S/W, all physical stats are just terrible. Light Sensitivity: Though he adapts to darkness well, the reverse is not true. Transition from darkness to light burns like Hell. Social Status: Justin sees himself as lower than everyone else. No matter who someone is, he will go out of his way to help them as long as it doesn't put someone else in danger. Cannot Lie: Justin will never lie about anything. He may stretch the truth or refuse to tell someone the truth, but he will never flat out lie. Easily distracted: Though he is capable of easily focusing on many things doesn't mean his focus is easily held. Wai so serious?: Justin rarely takes anything seriously. This makes him very difficult to fluster, irritate, or otherwise harass. ADHD: Justin has been diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. At this point in his life, he has a stable medication regiment that controls it quite nicely. The Methylphenidate he takes increases metabolism, but decreases appetite, giving him the small form he has. Without this drug, Justin's focus becomes nearly nonexistent. Unless it is something he really truly enjoys doing, nothing will retain his focus for more than a few seconds at a time without great effort and willpower on his part. Language Barrier: Until six months before his move to France, Justin had very limited knowledge in the French Language. Thanks to a copy of the Rosetta Stone program, he now has a rudimentary understanding and is somewhat fluent. However, he sometimes stumbles over his words and talks with an obvious Midwestern American accent. Submissive: Justin has the need to be working for someone. Ticklish: Just don't poke him....it's bad for your health. Allergies: Justin is allergic to peanuts. Irish: Justin's skin is much more sensitive to touch and sunlight than most. Weak Classes: History, Physical Education, MicroScience. The past is irrelevant, he's too weak to do much of anything in sports, and the micro aspect of science is boring. HISTORY: Back from before Justin has memories, he was well cared for. Born into the upper-middle class to David and Karen Cope, he spent the majority of his life in Topeka, Kansas, USA. While still an infant, his parents began education. He has been told stories by his mother of her using food as an educational tool, teaching fractions while cutting up meals. Reading, writing, and basic mathematics became commonplace around the Cope household when he was an infant, giving him a small advantage upon being enrolled in Kindergarten. Those first few school years were difficult, to say the least. After a failed attempt to enter the Gifted program, Justin's ADHD was discovered due to the fact that he couldn't sit through the testing. The psychiatrist he had always wanted to experiment with new things, since Ritalin didn't sem to be working all that well, and neither did the new drugs. Because of the constant switching of chemical altering substances, Justin's personality became erratic, leading to a sort of isolation from everyone. Some months he would be so talkative that it annoyed everyone around. Others he was so figity that it was physically painful to sit still. Still others he would speak only when absolutely necessary. There was a couple days where he got incredibly violent and fought with everything, including inanimate objects. With no friends and a desire to push forward in school, he often stayed inside during recess to work, or if the teacher didn't allow that, just sat in a corner outside with a gameboy in hand learning the finer mechanics of his Pokemon games. By middle school, Justin had begun to even out mentally, gaining a bit more control of his ADHD after switching doctors to someone who didn't treat him like a test subject. With high doses of Concerta, his focus came easier and he actually made it into a gifted classroom. This was, however, the only good thing to come out of that establishment. The educational system was lackluster and the teachers aparently only fit the minimum requirements necessary to educate. They ceased challenging Justin as his grade school teachers had, and even went as far as punishing him for working ahead. This completely killed his advancement and set him back on a 'normal' path. All this pushed him away from reality and into fantasy. It was in the seventh grade that Justin finally found his first niche in a social group. Nerds. In this sense, nerds refers to those who spend an inordinate amount of time on tabletop RPGs. The only way he felt he could excercise his mind was to learn and manipulate the mechanics of DnD. Some good times were had, but few ever lasted. His friends would game occasionally, but few had the imagination to put together a truly good campaign. While these years passed, Justin tried to pick up a few hobbies to pass the time; martial arts, learning to control ESP, building models, but nothing ever stuck. Just as well, friends came and went freely, and the kid became very anti-social again. This may have been forced, though, as Justin knew he would soon be transferring across the ocean for his mother's work. For now, he was content with his video games and solo acts. Lately though, after a transfer to Kadic Academy, it seems that chaos is drawn to him, or that he is drawn to it, on almost a daily basis. Such is life, he guesses. Que sera sera. MISSION CONTROLSCREENNAME: Hitoshura Time spent roleplaying: Seven years on and off various RP forums, primarily The Ninja Forum. DnD, V:tM, Rifts, ect for about 15 years. RP Sample: It had been a long time since Justin played poker for real, and forgot how quickly the pot could raise. Before the boy arrived, his intent hadn't been to sit at a card table, but at the slots. As such, he didn't have too much money on me. Only sixty chips left. Do I go all in on my first hand? The coin that he had been fiddling with earlier in the game returned to flipping between knuckles. This time, though, he was actually thinking about it. I'm not here for the money. Oh no, I could care less about that. I am here for the amusement of playing games with people, and playing 'games' with people. Without any chips, I wouldn't be able to continue. However, if I won, I could keep going for a while longer than I originally intended."Ne. What do you think, miss dealer?" knowning she probably wasn't allowed to answer things like that, but he asked anyway. And who knows? Maybe something would come of it. However, no matter what she said, the response would be the same. "I think...." as Justin sat there playing with his chips out of nervousness, "I'm all in." Actually saying it was a relief. Now everything was off his shoulders an in the cards of other players. A full house, sevens over fives, wasn't that bad a hand. Not great, but certainly not bad. |
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Poet
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Post by Poet on Jan 30, 2013 13:04:40 GMT -5
Hello, hello, let's review your app today, shall we~?
First off, basics! Look good, look good, no complaints there at all! Curious as to why he has the nicknames 'Hito' and 'Tensai', but unique names are unique, after all. All good there~.
Appearance! Looking pretty good here, awesome, but can we get a touch more expansion? We want to be able to read your description and get the best possible picture we can of the character. How does he typically stand? Shrunk in on himself, firm, what? Typical expression? What kind of feeling does he give of? Someone most people would overlook, think was weird, what? Just a little more expansion on that, it really fleshes out a character.
His... personality, I'm afraid, doesn't make sense. Everyone has a personality, and if it varies that greatly, day by day, then something is wrong with him, mentally. Yes, it does make sense that he'd act differently around different kinds of people, but not quite to the degree you're describing, as that speaks of, well, issues. So you need to fix that up, give him his own personality, even if it is an apathetic one, he does have his own personality, but explain why, if he's so apathetic (as you stated), he would wish to entertain people and the like. Doesn't quite add up, I'm afraid.
Alright, strengths time. How is he so accurate? Does he do a sport involving such? Taught by something? What about the facts that he's nimble, agile, and manually dexterous? Does he do something to be able to maintain that? Sports, again, or something else? While you can be more flexible or more agile by nature, what you're describing doesn't sound like it can be natural, it sounds above that. Why do things not hurt as they should? Is he just able to ignore it more easily, because he's used to it, or do they really not hurt to normal levels? The 'Night Vision' doesn't quite make sense, I'm afraid, because a quick few minutes of research on my part just showed that it takes minutes, in almost all cases.
The 'Mental Barrier' is not okay, doesn't make sense, and I'm afraid you'll have to take it out. 'Multi-Track Mind'... While you can say he's good at multi-tasking, it is literally impossible to give your full attention to multiple things at once. In addition, the more you multi-task, the worse your brain gets at focusing. The Stamina Regeneration again, doesn't quite make sense. If someone's got bad stamina, they aren't likely to get on their feet quicker than most, because that's actually a part of stamina. Clarify that to make it make sense, cause currently, it, well, doesn't.
I would also like to note that the lack of seriousness is also a weakness, to, and should be placed in both areas. Please explain why having an 'addictive personality' is a strength (particularly as you said he didn't have a personality, so contradictions, here), please explain the 'instinct' part of the Self-Preservation, as, well, plenty of people have died for one another, so why is his 'instinct' not letting him, and overpowering any will he may have for it? And, finally, clarify the 'Animal Empathy'. While he can be an animal person, that typically animals like, this is coming off a bit... not that, with animals automatically trusting him and liking him, period. Which doesn't quite happen. ;;; So please, fix these up!
Aaand weaknesses! Considering what you've said in the strengths... the 'physically inept' doesn't really apply. He's got quite a few physically related strengths, so while maybe he's not strong at all, I wouldn't call him physically inept, given all the physical strengths he has. Light sensitivity doesn't make sense, as if you adjust to darkness quick, you should adjust to light the same, unless they're is something else that factors into the sensitivity? How is 'obscure' a weakness? The way you've written it down sounds like a strength, actually. For the distraction, already stated why the opposite, the multi-track mind, doesn't work. For learning disability, I'd like for you to expand. Considering you stated he has ADHD, I would like to see some evidence of serious research done, as we want it to be as authentic and real as possible.
In addition, related to the strengths and weaknesses, I would like to see some info on his classes, perhaps, that which he's good at and that which he's not.
Alright, history time. First off, doing 3rd grade math before kindergarten? I'm sorry, but that's VERY high genius levels, and therefore not okay. If he was that smart, regardless of his ADHD, he would be in the gifted level, if not far above it, and would have absolutely no reason to be at Kadic, given his smarts. It's too high, implausible, and he cannot be that smart.
Second, I want a lot more expansion. How did he deal with his ADHD? How were his friends? His relationships with his family? How was school? What did he like to do, anything that actually stuck with him? Does he have any siblings? Why did he come to Kadic? Just things like that, please, we want to hear what went down with him!
And, last but not least, your roleplay sample. All roleplaying, sample or otherwise, needs to be third person, past tense, so you need to fix that. In addition, if this is not of the character you're applying for (I don't think it is, considering he's playing poker, but I'm unsure, considering the first person), you need to give us a roleplaying sample of who you are applying for, thanks.
Let me know if you're done, and I'll check it over again, and don't be afraid to ask me any questions, should you have any!
EDIT: Forgot two things on the strength, sorry! First off, gay? Not a strength, put that somewhere else. Personality, maybe, or in the history, it does not belong in strengths. Second, why and how the heat resistance? Is he used to it? Or what? |
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Post by Justin Cope on Jan 30, 2013 15:28:01 GMT -5
Alright, *cracks knuckles* Here we go.
Tensei, not Tensai. Also, they are online monikers. Hito is short for Hitoshura, Japanese for Demi-Fiend. Tensei is also Japanese and refers to the metaphysics behind reincarnation, taken from Shin Megami Tensei, one of his favorite series of games.
I believe all is well now.
I think you may be reading too much into it. He does not ever perfectly mimic a person's personality, or even come close. He takes aspects of their demeanor that don't conflict with his own and sort of merges the two into his current persona. Negativity breeds more negativity and bliss breeds bliss. He's unusually susceptible to things like that.
I assure you it is natural and that I am personally physically capable of anything my RPC will do. Sometimes I even test it out before posting to make sure it's possible. Most of the talent comes from the fact that he knows and is aware of his own body. He knows how to make it move and control it on a micro scale. For example, most people cannot put their ring finger down without also moving the middle finger. This is correctable with proper muscle knowledge. All of it is due to things like that.
Used to it is close to correct, but not quite there. He can ignore it, yes, because he knows what true pain is, and what phantom pain is. Part of this "his mind is his own" thing is that he can reduce phantom pain since it isn't real reactions of the nervous system.
I'm not sure what to tell you. My eyes can adjust from a bright summer day to a dark basement with no windows in about six seconds.
Why not? Drugs that alter chemical substances in the brain simply don't work as well as they should. Things like BuSpar, Prozac, and many variations of methylphenidate just don't have the potency they should. If I can't have it, that's fine since it will rarely, if ever, come into play. I'd just like some reasoning if it isn't.
Full was a mistake on my part. Multitasking == yes. 200%+ concentration == no.
I changed it to refer to his second/third winds. Also, I'm aware that the likelihood of this happening is low. However, in this aspect, I am an unlikely individual.
Originally, it was put there because people would say things like "I'd love to RP with him, but I think Kanna would just get pissed off and kill him," so I put that there saying it's alright to act a bit OOC towards my RPC. But that doesn't really apply on this forum, so it's been removed.
O.O For a second, I completely forgot this character was 14. Self-preservation has been removed as well.
I think I fixed that and made it sound less potent.
The only physical strengths he has relate to dexterity/agility/flexibility, which can all be traced to just knowing how one's own body works, and the ability to adjust quickly to darkness. Everything else, including physical strength, running speed, reflexes, cardiovascular endurance, overall stamina, and anything else that could possibly be considered physical is just pathetic. Now I could list all these out separately if you wish, but thought it would be more detrimental to have the catch-all that I have now.
Pupils growing fast to let in more light doesn't really cause any discomfort. However, when a pupil shrinks too quickly to let in less light, the experience is actually quite painful. Like needles in the cornea.
It isn't. It was placed in the wrong spot. And, just like addictive personality, it was created for reasons that aren't actually valid on this forum, so it has been removed.
It isn't actually a disability. It was more a lack of focus on things he doesn't care about leads to not learning, even if a skill or knowledge would be useful. However, I once again forgot that I was making a teenager and not someone in their mid twenties, so it has been removed.
I added some strong and weak areas at the bottom of each section. I'm not 100% how you wanted that laid out and explained, so it may still be incorrect.
I added a few more paragraphs and expanded a bit on what was already there. I think that should take care of it.
HA! Sorry. I took that from another forum on which I had the prestige necessary to RP in first person and not have anyone care about it. I totally forgot to fix it. ^.^;
Being gay is totally a strength, especially since he doesn't act like it. Being able to just brush off any and all feminine charm is one of his most potent advantages in the social world.
Iunno. Hot is good. 85 degrees Fahrenheit is a good room temperature. Conversely, cold is terrible. 60 is freezing.
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Poet
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'Female Teenager Embodiment of Billy Batson'
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Post by Poet on Jan 30, 2013 16:15:41 GMT -5
I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I'm not going to give you a full review at this time, because there are a couple of major issues with your application that you haven't touched on.
His personality makes no sense. Yes, there are probably neurological conditions that cause people to act like that. However, unless you find one, research it thoroughly, and show that in your app, that whole reflecting other people and not really having a personality of his own is not okay.
Second, strengths and weaknesses. Look over them again. Please. Perhaps one or two would be plausible, but as it is, he's coming off with a very, well, 'special' vibe. You cannot do all that naturally, even knowing the muscles that well, is not natural. Again, take out the mental barrier. Gay is, again, not a strength, considering, I don't know, male charms. It's a double-edged sword, not a weakness, nope. You need to do some ADHD research.
These are my two main issues. The strengths, okay, individually, fine. But when you put them together, it's too much, and they don't make sense, a lot of them, from the sheer amount. The personality, again, doesn't make sense. ADHD, research. Or, if you have done research, express it more. Because as it is, it's only coming off with a minimal amount of research.
Please, do these things? They're big. |
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Post by Justin Cope on Jan 30, 2013 17:53:47 GMT -5
Alright, so. Personality has been torn down and rebuilt from the ground up. It is quite lacking, though I'm at a loss as to what manner of things I should add. If you would be so kind as to give some sort of criticism on how I can flesh it out, it would be appreciated.
I just outright removed gay and mental barrier since you seem to be absolutely convinced they cannot conceivably work in any fashion. I also did some edits to the dexterity related ones, but I'm not sure if I'm moving in the right direction. You guys have a different standard than I'm used to and I'm not entirely sure what specifically is wrong. Some specifics on how to actually fix it would be nice.
As for ADHD, I admit I have done next to no research. I thought my own experiences with dealing with it would suffice, but apparently not. What exactly is it you need? I can research ADD/ADHD, as well as the effects of methylphenidate on various types of brain chemistry for days, but unless I know what knowledge you require, I'm at a loss as to what to add.
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Poet
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Post by Poet on Jan 31, 2013 8:43:15 GMT -5
Mkays, thank you for changing it. Personality... What annoys him? What angers him? When he talks, is he chatty, when people are interesting? Still reserved? Even if they're not interesting, how does he react to people he knows versus those he doesn't? Does he have a sense of humor? Are his social skills not the best? Just elaborate, tell a little more of how he acts versus what he is, y'know?
For the strengths, it was more that 'Gay' is not a strength, but thank you for removing it. Regardless, I'll explain my issue again, and hopefully get it across this time. With all of the strengths you have, they are very... unique. If he was in sports, the physical ones would make sense, but saying they're 'natural', all of them, plus all the other stuff he has as strengths... It's giving him a very 'special' vibe. Not the good kind of special. I'd either actually offer up explanations for some of the strengths, or cut some out, because right now, while individually, they're plausible, put them together and they're, well, not. In addition, Engineering is not a course at Kadic, and I highly doubt the Macro and MicroScience.
For the history... My two main things. First off, as I have stated before, he cannot be doing third grade math before kindergarten. He can be smart, yes, and if his school has a gifted program that goes as early as first grade (which seems implausible, but as I'm homeschooled, cannot speak for that without referencing), he can be in it, but that time frame is, honestly, kind of ridiculous. Second, research ADHD. If you have your own experience with it, then you simply need to add more, because right now, it's coming across like you know nothing. How does it affect him, personality-wise, in his strengths and weaknesses, in his history? What exactly? Because right now, not really anything's coming across.
In addition, the roleplay sample... I am going to let it slide, because it's a roleplay sample, but a fourteen-year-old boy, gambling? Mrr, no. Just a note, though, as it's a sample, you can leave it alone. |
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Post by Justin Cope on Feb 1, 2013 17:17:52 GMT -5
Added a bit to personality.
The strengths you had a problem with were the dexterity and agility related ones, right? I rewrote them to not sound quite as potent, and better explain where I am coming from.
Added an ADHD weakness with basic information. The reason I hadn't had this before is because he is almost always heavily medicated (54mg Concerta, if you are curious), thus nullifying the weakness most of the time.
Engineering in this sense is the broad topic, including things like CAD, Design, Woodworking, and Metallurgy. If these are not at Kadic, I will be quite surprised, but will take it out.
Macro/Micro science simply means large scale science and small scale science. Biology and Chemistry are micro while Astronomy and Physics are macro.
I redid the first paragraph of the background to flow better with the new chronology, and make it more obvious why he had an advantage going into school. I'm sorry about not being able to go into specifics on how the ADHD or medication affected him because, quite honestly, I do not remember. The only part I remember in detail was the three days I was on an anti-anxiety medication BuSpar. It made me want to fight everything, animate or otherwise.
Just to note, Justin is not a genius or anywhere near it. A genius is someone with an IQ of 180 or above. Justin's IQ is ~120. Also note that IQ doesn't measure the quantity of knowledge someone has, simply the rate at which they are able to learn.
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Poet
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Post by Poet on Feb 3, 2013 15:07:23 GMT -5
Alright. Two very important things that you need to please listen to. I've stated these before, and I don't want to have to repeat myself again, please.
First off, no, that was not what I was concerned over on the strengths, as I stated. It was all of them. Quite frankly, when you put them all together, all of the strengths, he sounds 'special', as I've stated before. It's not the individual strengths, those on their own are fine. It's when you look at all of them that he seems 'special', because the likelihood of all of those unique things combining into one, all that? Not gonna happen. Drop some, give more explanation for some (like sports, not medicine), or something, but right now, he's sounding 'special'.
Second, research ADHD. There are a whole host of issues with it, combined with the history. First off, him being diagnosed by not being able to sit through the testing? He's a kid, that's normal. They would never diagnose him with ADHD because he wouldn't be able to do that. Second, there are so many physical effects for drugs, and considering the great majority he tried, there would be so many. Nausea, vomiting, all that, there would be then, and currently, given his medication, side effects, and a whole great host of them.
Third, here, I'm going to quote from my wonderful ADHD source: "His current high dose of medications would more than likely leave him in a "zombiefied" state; that is, he'd be able to focus, yes, but what causes him to be able to focus would also inhibit his drive, the thing that motivates him to do things on his own (and that normally without drugs would drive him to be distracted). So he'd likely have decreased initiative and creativity while on these heavy drugs; ergo, the drugs themselves create a weakness that in it's own way, compensates for the weakness they're supposed to 'cure'." Fourth, high doses of medication at such a young age, particularly ones like these, which effect the brain? They're known to retard mental growth.
I also have two minor issues with the history, but I'll touch on the history more after you fix up your ADHD problems. Teachers would not punish him for working ahead. Period. That is not something teachers punish you for, as long as you've done what you're supposed to do now. Second, why would he go to Kadic, if he's getting transferred overseas because of his Mom's work? Unless he's not on campus, and is living with his family like Yumi, it makes no sense that he'd be transferred to a boarding school like Kadic for that reason.
The Strengths (and the weaknesses, but we can touch on those after we have the strengths ironed out, as they're directly linked) and the ADHD are my main problems with this app. The former, if you don't make them at least slightly more plausible, I will make you drop some. The latter, you need to do some research. If I don't see some sizable changes in the ADHD portion, I won't review it again til it's changed, because I've basically been telling you to research the whole time, and you need to. Greatly so.
Hoo. But let me know when you think you're ready for another review, and I'll take a gander at it again. |
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Post by Justin Cope on Feb 4, 2013 3:34:14 GMT -5
I have repeatedly expressed my confusion in exactly what you want in your two largest areas.
Firstly, I cannot fathom how this combination of strengths makes him a bad kind of special. Nothing seems out of the ordinary and I haven't used medicine as a reason for any of them beyond the common knowledge that stimulants increase ones metabolism which obviously leads to less body fat, thus increasing flexibility. Sports are not a requisite for knowing what ones body can do.
Second, exactly what areas of ADHD and its treatment do you want me to research? So far I've just been taking shots in the dark and adding bits of semi-relevant information as I remember it, but that seems to be getting me absolutely nowhere. Also, is this 'zombification' you speak of the reclusiveness and anti-social behaviors I explained in the third paragraph of his personality? If not then I am unsure as to what you are implying with that term.
Without this information, I cannot proceed.
Aaand, about attending Kadic. I don't know. I have 0 knowledge about French boarding schools, or boarding schools in general. Obviously he would live at home, since there's no reason not to. Aside from 'he couldn't exist in this RP if he didn't,' I don't have a reason for him going here as opposed to somewhere else. Is 'because his parents did some looking around and found it to be the best choice' an option? If not, please give a few reasons and I'll work in something that would be reasonable under the circumstances.
On third thought, *adds language barrier*. W00t Rosetta Stone.
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Post by Poet on Feb 4, 2013 8:23:16 GMT -5
Hoo. For the strengths, I will attempt to explain myself again. So he has great accuracy and precision, great pain ignorance, good flexibility, has trained himself to have far better knowledge of his body, good heat resistance, good adaption to seeing in the dark, stamina regeneration, multi-track mind, and animal empathy. On their own, they're fine. But considering that these are quite unique strengths, particularly as there's little explanation for them, he doesn't have a situation that would make him want better knowledge of his body, he doesn't work out, he doesn't have prior experience with animals... It's just implausible that he'd have so many unique ones. If he works out? Then the physical ones would be understood. Has experience with animals, maybe his parents owned a ranch or something? Animal Empathy would make sense. Right now, they are very unique strengths that go without explanation, and considering the large amount of them, as I stated, it makes him seem very 'special'. Thus, I need explanations (the medicine one isn't making a whole lot of sense to me...), from why he would want better knowledge of his body, to his animal empathy, to all that. If there isn't a good explanation, that can go in either the history or with the strengths, then either ditch that one, or ditch one of the other strengths.
I do hope that you understand, now, because I frankly can't think of a different way to put it. And no, sports are not a requisite for knowing what a body can do. But I need a reason for him to know what his body can do. And no, these strengths are a bit 'out of the ordinary', I'm afraid.
I just gave you a whole explanation up above on what exactly was wrong, ADHD-wise. Please refer to that, and in addition, include a paragraph in his personality, weaknesses, somewhere, that reflects what he's like without medicine. Given the great majority of XANA-related things on campus, it would make sense that he'd be unable to access it/get his medicine/forget somewhere along the line. I have stated what's wrong above, so please, reference that.
Zombiefication: When on that high dosage of medicine, yes, you can focus, but it takes away the ability to be enthusiastic about things, as well as a good dose of creativity. "If he's on heavy meds at the present time? Then he's probably going to be zombie-like in behavior. He'll focus and do what he's told, but he'll show limited initiative of his own, and probably very little creativity." Also, as given above: "he'd be able to focus, yes, but what causes him to be able to focus would also inhibit his drive, the thing that motivates him to do things on his own (and that normally without drugs would drive him to be distracted). So he'd likely have decreased initiative and creativity while on these heavy drugs; ergo, the drugs themselves create a weakness that in it's own way, compensates for the weakness they're supposed to 'cure'." That is, as stated, what I meant.
Mrr, as I also said, it makes sense if he's living at home, because then it'd be the closest school. So yes, if he's living at home, then it makes plausible sense.
I do hope what I'm trying to convey comes across now, because I cannot think of a different way to express what I'm trying to express, and I feel like I'm repeating myself, regardless. |
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